Sufffering Under Garbage

In my Father's Day post, I mentioned something about using this title for a post, well, here it is....lol. We all have different experiences that we can use to help others through difficult times, it's just a matter of whether or not we feel like sharing them with others.

It would take a hundred posts or blogs, to fill you in on what has gone on in my life. But the point would be to show that no matter how much garbage one goes through or feels suffocated by, there is always a moment of clarity where one sees that it's not as bad as one previously believed. Go and look at a garbage dump, and what do you see? You may see miles of garbage stacked up from what seems like miles into the air, filled by birds flying around, picking over what others have thrown out. But take a deeper, closer look....I mean, really, a microscopic look.....believe it or not...underneath all that garbage is soil that is being fertilized...life is still existing, regardless of what is on top!

I am a firm believer that if you don't have any drama in your life, you don't have much of a life. Drama comes in all forms to all people and it's not the same from person to person. I mention that because I was thinking of personal ads I've read where a man is looking for a woman but without drama.First off, why is it that it's always the woman with drama? Men have drama too! And why does a man feel like a woman he's looking for has to be perfect? Besides, drama either makes or breaks you, you either take it and make something of it or you allow it to overrun you!

I am not perfect! I have trouble getting up in the morning, I have trouble getting my day started, I have trouble getting caught up around the house, etc....you get the idea. BUT I am determined that I will overcome these things that keep me down. Regardless of what others think or what is said about me, my suffering has a purpose and over time that purpose will be showed to me.

If you are suffering, whether at the hands of others, or yourself, don't give up........there is a light just waiting for you to turn it on.

Life Lessons-What others think of me

Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm not a big believer in what others think of me------throughout my teenage and young adult years, it was all about me, what I wanted, where I wanted to go, how long I was gone, well, you get the idea. Even to my family I never really cared what they thought of me because I felt like it was my life and if I wanted to live it a certain way, well, I was going to do just that.

However, once I got married, then divorced and having kids, it dawned on me that it wasn't all about me anymore...it was about others around me....to make sure that they had what they needed and wanted (to the best of my ability). Sure, I have fallen and stubbled and rolled down the mountain along the way, but I still get up, somewhat brush myself off, and continue along the way.

I was watching my 15 year old son work today alongside me at a fireworks stand, and I was so proud of him....although his father chose not to be a part of his life, he doesn't let it bother him one bit (at least that I know of), he does what he needs to do and he goes on with his life. There is little that I would not do for my son and when something is said negatively towards him because he doesn't have the latest gadgets because we are "poor", it makes me angry to the point of boiling!!!

I have never heard him complain because he doesn't have what the other kids his age have, only that he just wants to have a few new clothes...oh, and since he's almost 16, well, a used truck, but hey, I can't blame him there! :)

But see there? I 'm not thinking of me, I'm thinking how ignorant other people are in their way of thinking towards the way we live. So what????
I have not been placed on this earth to please everyone, but one person....Jesus Christ....and even He knows that I'm struggling to keep my composure at times!!!

I have a heart that is filled with love and compassion.....and forgiveness!
So, to those who I have hurt, please forgive me, it was never my intention to hurt you....to those who have hurt me, I forgive you!

It's human nature to make mistakes......it's even more human to admit to them and know when you need to be forgiven and when you need to forgive.

Life Lessons-What I learn from struggling

I'll be the first to admit that I take things for granted, not only at home, but throughout my life. I always think that I have plenty of time to do things that to some may seem pivotal in keeping order in one's life. To some, keeping up a clean house means a clean and neat life, whereas to others, chaos is a way of dealing with issues within their life.

When you hear the word struggle, do you think of someone who is trying to make ends meet, or someone who is working to keep things together and not fall apart? Struggle means all those things and much, much more. It is more than a state of mind, it's a way of life for some, regardless of their income, education, race, gender, etc.

The current state of our economy has renedered millions of people jobless, wandering about to find a job to keep their heads above water to keep their familes fed, clothed, and housed. Faith at these times, to some, is a life saver, to others, it's just not a quick enough "fix-it" for their current problems.

When I lost my job, I did well for a few months, my bills were being paid, I was able to balance my schoolwork with my son's extracurricular activities. I was even reading the Bible daily because I believed that God was taking care of me even when I couldn't take care of myself or my son.

Now, it's been over a year since I've lost my job, the bills are piling up, facing have the electricity turned off, the prospects of a job have been few and far between and depression has always bee lurking around the corner, watching and waiting for me to give it a foothold into my life.

But, I know....that throughout all the things that the world may throw at me, there is a faith that sustains me and my family through such hard times. It's at times like this that we need to stop and focus on those things that are important.

To some who know me intimately, it may appear that all I seem to do is drift through life, always getting by somehow, with little or no concern about how I get myself into financial binds. Trust me, I know how I get myself into such situations and yes, I have always seemed to come out ahead, but that is the beauty of God's mercy and love towards me.

Let me end this by saying......prayers by those who are in agreement are heard by Jesus and He will intervene on our behalf.

I am asking for prayers from my friends......that me and my son will get through this time with faith and that we will allow Jesus to intercede for us.

Father's Day

Today is a special day....it's Father's Day! Although compared to Mother's Day, it seems to take a backseat in regards to meaning (something to do with the fact that mother's gave birth to us...lol), it is nevertheless a important day. Father's deserve the same respect as mother's and the Bible tell us as much when it says...."Respect thy mother and father". Yet, in today's society where the emphasis is put on the responsibities of parenthood, the mother seems to always get the praise and the father is in the background. This should be more of 50/50 deal.

Father's sacrifice just as much, if not more, than mothers do at times. The argument may be made that if it wasn't for mothers, there wouldn't be any children.....technically, if it weren't for fathers, none of us would be here. :)

No parent is perfect, mother or father. I know just as many deadbeat moms than dads. To say that one is naturally better than the other is not always the correct answer. Children are a gift from God just as parents are a gift from God. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world, the pay is not monetary, but much more valuable that any money or gold in the world.

My father was not perfect, he had his flaws, but he was MY father for 13 years of my life! 13 years!!! That wasn't enough time for me. He didn't see me graduate high school, marry(divorcing, although I know he would have loved that...lol), having children.....etc.....I miss the man that was my father.

Time does have a way of healing,but it also has a way of removing details of those who have passed on. I can remember what my dad looks like, but as hard as I try, I cannot remember what his voice sounds like, it's as if that part of him went with him in his death.

I think about him alot, my dad, and I wonder that if he had lived, would my life had turned out differently? Would I be struggling as I am right now? Or would he have protected me from the ugly, cruel world? God does not put more on us than we can bear, but I hope God realizes that I'm beginning to suffocate under all this baggage!! (hmmm....sounds likea good topic for my next blog!!)

Returning to the subject at hand......HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to all the father's. Take time to spend with your family, listening to your children, for the time will come when they will take flight on their own and become adults.

May each and everyone of you have a truly blessed and loved day!

Take time to be a dad!!!!

Responsibilty

Turn on the television today, pick a channel, and you will find the story of the oil spill on almost every news and information channel on the planet. Throughout the story the word that is repeated more than any other word is "responsibility". 'Who's at fault?", "Who's going to pay for everything?", are just a few of the questions that are being asked on a daily basis by the media and others who are directly impacted by this natural disaster.

People who depend upon and make a living on the ocean are asking the same questions as well as "Who is going to pay for our cost of living?", "How are we to feed our families?". And the people on the coast are struggling already in an economy that seems to constantly favor the rich over the poor.

Responsibilty is the act of being responsible or obligated to something or to a person. In what is being hailed as the worst enviromental disaster in US history, it looks like the rich are responsible for nothing and the poor are responsible for everything. Is it any wonder Americans are getting sick and tired of the way that politicians are running this country into the ground head first?

Until the attitude changes in Washington as well as across America, nothing is going to change!!! It's that simple!!!

Responsibilty is the act of

Support Our Troops

One would have to be living near the center of the earth not to know about the wars that are raging across the world today. Although the campaigns are considerably different than they were during WWII, it's important to know that one thing has remained the same...........the need to support our men and women in the armed services, regardless of your opinion of the war.

Technology has made a global impact on the way in which we communicate with those overseas and even those who are stateside. Just think about it, during WWII, snail mail was the main contact between a solider and his loved ones back home. If something were to happen, imagine the anguish that a family had to endure in order to find out their loved one's fate.

Regardless, a veteran that has served his/her country should be showed respect and love upon returning from war. This hard lesson was not learned well when troops were returning from Vietnam in the 1970's as most of them were treated as if THEY were the ones for the blame of the war. What we learned then was that regardless of your opinion of the war, troops are doing something more than any of us would ever think of doing....putting their lives on the line for their country.

Before you go to bed tonight and every night after, say a prayer for those who are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice and remember how they are away from loved ones who miss them on a daily basis.

May God richly bless the USA and her troops!

Compassion

Compassion is a commodity, it has value. The problem with compassion, is that in today's world there seems to be less and less of it to go around. The problem with compassion is that when you commit your heart to a cause, or a person, or whatever the case may be, it's hard to draw your heart back to prevent from becoming hurt.

I have discovered that compassion, even when it's not warranted or needed, can do so much for the spirit as well as the soul. When you place yoruself above your own needs and focus on others, you realize that God has purpose for everyone on earth. With all of the distractions we are sometimes subjected to, we tend to forget what our purpose is.

Self-help books are fine, but the Bible provides the answers that we need to deal with our problems, our emotions, etc. Compassion teaches us that we need to "read between the lines", in other words, to see what maybe others either can't see or refuse to see. When we help those who are having trouble, we get a sense of Jesus and the reason to do what we need to do.

So, remember that compassion requires the best of us, which is the best of Jesus!

Friendships That Mean Something

You know, as a child in school, I had several friends that I could count on in times of need,of course, back then, my problems mainly consisted of things like, "How did we get so much homework?" and "Do you think so and so really likes me?". These were the major problems in our lives then and as we became older, our problems grew with us. And along the way, our friendship changed with us.

As adults, our friendships were mainly based on the clubs we frequently visited and wasn't really the ones we could count on in times of dire need, only when were we going out the club again. And even then, those friendships faded after some internal arguments over a guy, over clothes, etc. These were not dependable and usually would leave a bad taste in our mouths, making it hard to trust people around us.

I have discovered in my 40's now, that having a good, honest, dependable friendship is, other than having a relationship with God and family, the key to living well. I have several close friends that I know without the shadow of a doubt, I could call and reveal my thoughts and secrets to without fear of judgement. This is based upon the fact that each of them has a true, deep, relationship with God that allows them to trust Him for guidance and strength through the hardships of their lives. A simple dinner at a local eatery brings a fellowship that I have always longed for and it makes me want to work that much harder to keep our friendship alive and going.

It is vital in today's world to have and maintain friendships with those you can trust, but also who have a strong relationship with God.

Checking Yourself with Your Children

I had an incident to occur today between my son and myself that made me realize that perhaps our children aren't aware of the constant demands upon parents to make sure that we are able to provide everything they need and sometimes, what they want.

But what really hurt me the most was his reaction to our discussion. I won't go into details, as I feel like that should remain a private matter, but I will say that afterwards, I view my son as a young man who may have reacted to our current situation. Ever since I lost my job, my focus has been on making sure that we had food on the table, that our lights stayed on and that we could make it from day to day and week to week.

Somewhere along the way, I began to turn that focus away from those issues and began to focus on ME.....what I wanted, what I needed.....and putting him to the side for awhile. As a parent, that is the ONE thing we must never do....is to put ourselves before our children. God doesn't put Himself before us, does He? NOOOOO!!!

Afterwards, my heart was overwhelmed by the way that I treated my son and I repented to God that He would forgive me, but I need to make amends with my son in order to be free of the guilt. If I don't, my soul will be tormented by the thought that I have lost my son's respect and have become just a person getting by just for the sake of getting by.

I have to believe that God will provide a job for me that is suitable for me and will not take me away from my walk with Jesus.

Faith.....Hope.....Love...........the greatest of these is LOVE

Struggles, Weaknesses, and the like.....

As human beings, we are prone to the occassional temptation, whether it be chocolate, alcohol, sex, gambling, etc., regardless of it's origins, we are human....not Superman with kypronite. We must realize that we are fallible to fall. BUT, unlike cartoon superheroes, we have the amazing gift of forgiveness, not only from God, but from our fellow human beings.

But the problem with us humans is that we don't like to admit when we are wrong or when we have made a mistake that makes us look guilty or ashamed. We only admit things when we think we'll get caught, or when someone we love is going to be hurt from our actions, only then will we make a decision to admit our faults.

Here is the beauty part of God.........no matter WHAT we've done, when we turn and repent of our sins and do not repeat them over and over, God is there......always! We have to do our part, though, God doesn't give us a license to sin anytime we want, we have live up to God's expectations of us. As many times as I made the promise, "Dear God, if you get me out of this situation", or "Dear God, I really need some extra money this week", and yes, there were times God did deliver me out of a situation and yes, I did take my promise back, I've learned that God was always there for me and He is still here for me.

Having someone to talk to, depend on, etc, is great! Even better when that someone understands all that I am going through and reassures me that everything will be just fine. '

Yes, we are going to struggle, yes we have weaknesses, but we have a free will to decide how we are going to handle every situation. Sometimes an unanswered prayer is an answered prayer. God knows everything I need before I know I need it, isn't that great? He looks after me even when I don't think He is there.

Depend upon God this week for strength, courage and wisdom to do those things that bring Him honor and glory. I can assure you, He will be there to guide you through whatever it is that you are going to encounter this week!

Little Things

Throughout our lives, we all overlook the little things that make everyday events, something extraordinary. For instance, you can be having the worst day of your life, nothing seems to be going right and then, just walking along, minding your own business, someone passing you on the street smiles at you. And it's not a weird, stalker type of smile, but an honest, heartwarming smile that melts all the ice around your heart and the black cloud over your head. At that moment you realize that everything that was bothering you earlier, is now just a memory. This is how God works even the tiniest wonders.

God knows what we endure on earth. Remember, He sent His Son to undertake the biggest endeavor ever to occur in world history! What we decide to do with the opportunities given to us is up to us. I have gone through my life either overlooking or just taking for granted the times given to me to make a difference in someone's day. I love making people happy, whether it's by making them laugh, helping them with packages, etc., whatever it is, I want others to know that there are people who actually care for other people and do so because it's what Jesus told us to do. When everything begins to revolve around the world and our own needs, then we begin to lose sight of the real deal.....Jesus!


We should focus on returning to what it's really all about....others, not ourselves. As a parent, I had to learn that my children's needs came before mine, regardless of whether or not it was something I needed or wanted. As a society as a whole, I believe that we are withdrawing from that and returning to the attitude.."What's in it for me?", which is the attitude during the 1980's where everyone was looking out for themselves and basically heck to everyone else!

We have to return to our roots as a human race.....to return to helping our fellow man, to make sure that needs are being met, that the widows and orphans are fed and taken care of, that those who are hungry are fed and not just with food and water, but with the Word of God that provides food that sustains us through birth to death.

So, take time to speak and smile to someone you've not seen in awhile, or a perfect stranger. Make sure you know what needs are to be met in your neighborhood. If you are separated from Jesus, repent, pray and He will return to you in a way that surpassess anything this world can provide.

What if............?

I'm sure that at one time or another, we have all wished or said, "What if so and so ......?" or "What if I had just said?", well, saying such things only help to remind us of what DIDN'T happen instead of what happened. Most of the time we say such things when we think of someone that we had strong feelings for, yet, for either fear of rejection or for some circumstances, we never acted on those feelings, therefore allowing that person to move on, thereby making us wonder, "What if....?"

Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, months into years, until, one day, out of the blue, you receive either a email, a invitation for Facebook, MySpace, etc, from that exact same person years ago you allowed to walk out of your life without as much as a goodbye!

Sure, there are stories about lost loves finding one another over the internet through several websites, etc., but when it happens to you, well, it tends to take on a different meaning. When you hear that person's voice over the phone, a flood of emotions sweep over you, reminding you of a simpler time when you were in this person's presence and the effect that person had on you then and has on you now.

Knowing that you can still make them laugh and that possibly that they have thought about you, makes everything seem to freeze and you are face-to-face with that person, touching them, close enough to feel their heartbeat, until you realize you were in a deep daydream.

I think that if you give up on finding your true love, then a part of you gives up on living life. You have to have faith that God puts people in your life for a season, removes them for a season, then returns them for a lifetime. But we have to have that faith that He will do that!

So, if you are looking for your true love, have faith, remain steadfast and patient......love is patient.....

Thoughts from a Clothesline------> Random Thoughts

April 21,2010

The biggest similiarity between a blog and a actual diary is that they should both be updated regualrly. However, unlike a diary where your thoughts are those you keep to yourself, a blog allows us to share thoughts that perhaps can reach out to those around us in a medium that allows us from being rejected, hurt, or otherwise, belittled.

Yesterday, I shared my thoughts on selfishness and how it affects our lives. Today most of my thoughts are random and may drift from one place to another, so, if you will bear with me, hopefully something wonderful will come from this. :)

As a young girl, I always looked forward to family gatherings and reunions. It provided me with the opportunity to see family that I normally didn't see on a daily basis as well as all the wonderful food!!! Oh, the food itself was a reason alone to go, but it was always second to me just so that I could be around family. As a child, family was something of an enigma, something I couldn't figure out. Honestly, I do not recall alot of my childhood, which in itself is sad, as most of the pictures show me either laughing, smiling, with my older sisters around me, almost in a protective stance. (How I miss that!).

I do recall spending sometime in my room, reading or playing with dolls or whatever, but the older I became, I noticed that our family was constantly going in separate directions. I deeply love my older sisters....to me they were the definition of "grown-up" and seemed to have everything going for them. My sisters are just as beautiful now as they were when we were growing up and although they do not know this, I have always admired them for their ability to be successful in their lives. Even to this day, we when have family gatherings, looking at them they are happy and have such a good life. Don't we want that for our own family?

My brother, who is closer to my in age, is a man just like our father. He is dedicated to whatever he does and does not rest until he knows he has done what has needed to be done. Growing up, I remember playing football with him in the front yard, each of us wearing our favorite NFL teams jersey and helmet. He liked the Dallas Cowboys and I was a Minnesota Viking.....back then they were bitter rivalries!! Everything back then was so much simpler and the fun we had! Now, he is a grown man with a family of his own and, like my older sisters, is a successful adult. The thing I love most about my brother is his sense of humor! Between him and my sisters, when they get together, it always turns out to be a comedy routine.

The way in which a family interacts with one another reflects alot in the way that a family treats others, I think. Sometimes I think it goes beyond the Golden Rule. Especially today when everything is communicated through cell phones and computers, interacting in a personal manner has become, well, impersonal. Writing letters has been replaced with email and the television has replaced the family dinner table. Sometimes I think that we get so engrossed in our daily lives that we tend to forget that there are those around us, including family, that are struggling to keep their boats afloat.

If we lose sight of the bigger picture, and get caught up in the way the world is going, we are losing a part of ourselves that we will never be able to recover.

Family gatherings shouldn't only take place on Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Mother's Day or Father's Day, it should be an everyday event filled with laughter and love.

What is the point of the popular home decoration, "Live, Laugh, Love", if it's not put into practice?

Selfishness

As I was hanging clothes out on the line (yes, I really do use a clothesline...lol), I was thinking about how selfish I've been lately. Considering my circumstances, most people would think, "Well, you deserve to think that way" or "You should be thinking about how no one is helping you stay alfoat", but in reality, none of that is true. Yes, I am currently unemployed, trying to raise my son, provide the basic items for him, but, I have had a few people to offer their help to me. For instance, my mother has constantly been the source of help and strength for me, even when her physical strength has not always allowed her to do so.

The blessing has been that by her cooking meals for me and my son, it has given us the opportunity to share our thoughts, feelings, and what God is doing in our lives that day. I am a firm believer that God, in His infinite wisdom, puts circumstances in our lives so that His goodness and mercy can be shown to those who do not experience His never fading love.

Yes, it would be nice to have a house that doesn't look like it has been deserted, or to even have a complete makeover for myself, but those are things that can only be viewed on the outside, not the inside. For those who really know me, they know that I am a person of compassion, love and humor. I believe that making someone laugh opens up a line of communication to get to know someone and make new friends.

In the past and even to this day, I, being a human, still make mistakes that humans tend to do: gossip, lie, etc., but at the end of the day, I have to face God with my sins and repent, knowing that His grace and mercy surpass ANYTHING in this world.

I have learned over the years that the world is not my friend and will make me promises that it will not deliver on, leaving me empty and alone, BUT I know ONE who will never desert me, nor forsake me and will guide me through whatever storms come my way.

So, for those who read this and you do not know Jesus as your personal savior, I'm here to tell you that when you call upon Jesus, there will be peace that will shower you beyond anything you will ever experience.

Yes, it is a commitment to follow Jesus, but it is one that will be with you forever!

Amanda

Thoughts from a Clothesline

I have always had trouble keeping a diary, even when I would spend hours thinking of what to say, it eventually would all go to waste as I would soon forget what I was going to write about, or something came up and I was unable to communicate what I was thinking. Look ing back, it was probably a good thing that I didn't publish alot of my thoughts, as most of them would probably have had people close to me rethinking their relationship to me. HA!

The older I become, the more I reflect upon the past. Yes, I know that I really shouldn't do that, but how can one learn if not from the past? If I knew then what I know now, alot of decisions that I that thought were good decisions, I probably would not make. Of course, I would have had my children as they are now blessings in the lives of those who come in contact with them.